Why do I feel the need to show my strength? Hold onto my pride so tightly?

It seems a little selfish. I care about my feelings and fulfilling my need to appear strong. The truth is I’ve always felt a deep need to prove myself and when it comes to pushing my body the need intensifies.

I can be a stone cold obedient slave, begrudgingly taking any orders that are given. In essence I am telling the dominant, “you can try to break me, but you won’t. I’m stronger than what you can do to me”.

My selfishness is apparent in how much I like behaving this way. I like defiantly obeying. But how can that be? Don’t I only want to obey?

No. I want to be broken. I want my icy facade to be shattered. I want to be cracked open and vulnerable. Completely exposed but without any concern because I am in the care of another.

The need to hold my strength, the need to bolster my pride, gone. I want to be stripped of everything and enjoy the place my mind goes when all worry has disappeared.

There is true freedom in being stripped of any pride or concern, however this freedom is mirrored by the committed responsibility of the dominant.